I grew up thinking I had to be good enough...for what? I'm not sure I even always thought that I needed to be 'good enough' for heaven, an eternal bliss. I just knew I needed to be good. Then I learned of 'mortal sins' and the fear of going to hell told me I needed to be good enough to earn my way...to pay for my ticket...into heaven.
Through high-school and most of college, Catholicism was all I knew. My spiritual life consisted of rules and rituals. It was the dominant religion of our community...sure I knew a few Lutherans, but that was about it. THEN, I met some born-again Christians and my world changed. Sure, it mostly changed at first because of the amount of tracts I received in my birthday and Christmas cards. They all said the same thing...that I needed to repent, to believe that Jesus lived, died, and rose. Yeah, yeah...I got that. I was Catholic...duh! Hadn't these Christians ever heard us recite the Nicene Creed?! That was all I could think! I believed that God was real, I prayed to Him regularly, I went to church, how could I NOT already be saved? I didn't need what these Christians were pushing...I didn't want to be like them. My life was good! I was sure I didn't need to be saved...whatever that really meant.
Then I married a Christian. But I didn't really even know it. Turns out His walk with Jesus had taken a pit stop, which, I suppose, worked out quite well for me in the end. He told me he grew up occasionally going to a Baptist church, all I cared about was that He believed in God...sure that was important, but I was in LOVE!! However, in the course of dating and the first few years of our marriage he started to talk to me about the Bible. He read his Bible regularly. This guy was different. And I loved him. He wasn't preachy, he didn't give my tracts in my Valentine cards. No, this man exuded kindness and love. I couldn't help but want to learn more. We talked about spiritual matters, and I thought we were on the same page for the most part. He was saved when he was young, but that didn't mean anything to me...I was still sure I didn't need to be saved. I LOVED Jesus after all, didn't I? Same difference!!
Well, turns out it's not the same at all. I realized that being saved was giving my heart and my LIFE to Jesus Christ. The one who came and died for me. Yes, I believed he lived, died, and rose...but I realized that wasn't enough. It wasn't about a religion and rules...it was about having a real relationship with Jesus Christ. Think about that. A relationship. I can believe in my neighbor, that they live next to me, their names are Mr. and Mrs. Smith, they have two kids and work at the hospital in town. Just knowing that about them doesn't mean I have a relationship with them. This is what I learned with Jesus...it wasn't just about knowing about Him. I had to have a relationship with Him. So, I let Him move into my heart, take over my soul, and be.my.life. I could finally breathe. I had no more questions. No more ugly holes I tried to fill with earthly things/people/relationships. I had a big realization, my PRIDE had gotten in my way all those years. To admit that I was wrong, that it wasn't the same, that there was something MORE, that I was WRONG, so wrong for so many years. Pride. It's an awful roadblock to so much happiness.
So, I turned into that pit stop with my husband, and we started out on the road together. And I'm thankful we'll have an eternity to spend together in heaven. I'm thankful that I've been saved from my sin, saved from an eternity in hell. So what did I have to give up to be saved? My pride, that's about it. But now you're thinking I have to go to church three times a week, etc...I have to change how I live if I have to put Jesus first, right? This is going to be hard to believe...but I DON'T!! The thing is, I don't go to church any more than I want to. I don't read my Bible anymore than I want to. And I get to do all the things I did before I was saved as much as I want to. Sweet, right? The only difference is, I can't imagine NOT going to church at least three times a week. I can't imagine not reading my Bible, I can't imagine making the same choices I did before I was saved. It's not a choice anymore, when you give your life to God, you WANT to do what pleases Him, and it's effortless. I have a fire in me to learn His Word. I can't imagine getting out of bed each day without giving it completely to my Lord and Savior. Does it mean that I don't sin? Ummm...no, far from it, but it does mean that I don't want to. But I'm human, of course I screw up. However, now I know that my sin doesn't separate me from God indefinitely...I don't need to worry IF I can be good enough to make up for it. I know that God will forgive me when I truly repent, and that my faith in Jesus Christ and His gift to me means I will never have to be separated from Him.
Never.
That just will never cease to amaze me. I was sure I didn't need to be saved...but little did I know, I really did.
That just will never cease to amaze me. I was sure I didn't need to be saved...but little did I know, I really did.
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